Skip to content

Pookie for President– 2012

December 9, 2018

Campaign-Post

In my abortive campaign for President in 2012, as far as I know, I received zero votes. Even I did not vote for me. Although this was six years ago, things have gotten worse and that’s no laughing matter.

Anyway, during my campaign, I sometimes commented on various political shenanigans and characters, Here are a few:

A. Republicans, in an email blasted around by House Majority Whip Kevin McCarthy (R-CA), identified “twenty wasteful spending programs” that they have proposed cutting in the new federal spending bill released this week. The GOP claims that it’s using the bill to “make hard but necessary cuts to help reduce the nation’s deficit.”

However, all 20 of the programs combined cost less than the tax loophole that allows corporate jet owners to write off the cost of their jet over five years (as opposed to seven years for a commercial passenger jet).

B. “He’s a fat, repulsive pig! I hate to be so harsh. You go out in the woods and find a piece of old, dead wood, you lift it up and underneath there’s a bunch of bugs crawling around and white stuff … that’s Newt Gingrich.”
Conservative talk show host Don Imus on this weeks flavor GOP candidate for President of the United States.

(Liberals, unfortunately, shy away from using such colorful language.)

C. Megyn Kelly, Faux News anchorperson (apparently hired for her looks rather than her brains) recently insisted that pepper spray is “a food product, essentially”

I understand that a diet of pepper spray has been demonstrated to increase one’s IQ up to 10 points. You should try it Megyn (does she really spell her name like this?), it may increase your IQ to as high as 80.

The blog TPM reports, One thrilled “customer” notes, “I used to have to exert my gray matter or work my mouth to keep people from saying anything I didn’t want to hear. Now I just shake and aim Defense Technology’s 56895 MK-9 Stream Pepper Spray, and half the time I don’t even need to depress the trigger! My teens and my dog all go silent when I merely lift the can–no more claims that I’ve suppressed free speech when they quake in fear and CHOOSE to be silent! Not just for intimidating students–it works on crabby old people, too!”

OMG, she must be planning to use it on me next; after all, I am a COP (Crabby Old Person)

(See: https://wordpress.com/view/papajoestales.wordpress.com for my campaign policies and stuff.)

_____________________________________________

I swear I do not make these things up. The latest from the quickly fading GOP flavor of the week, Herman Cain:

“I’m not supposed to know anything about foreign policy. Just thought I’d throw that out,” Herman Cain said to a Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel reporter while on his campaign bus on Monday, the afternoon after his interview with the paper’s editorial board. “I want to talk to commanders on the ground. Because you run for president (people say) you need to have the answer. No, you don’t! No, you don’t! That’s not good decision-making.”

This weeks flavor, the much married, yacht-loving Newtster said this in 1983:

“It is in the interest of the Republican Party and Ronald Reagan to invent new black Republicans, so to speak.”

Does this mean that Herman Cain was originally Newt’s Black or Reagan’s but is now Ann Coulter‘s?

Has the GOP become the ABM (Anybody But Mitt) Party?


 

Parody this:

Jacques Chirac ex-Prime Minister of France recounts that in a telephone call to him when he was France’s Prime Minister, the United States President George W. Bush appealed to their “common faith” (Christianity) and told him: “Gog and Magog are at work in the Middle East…. The biblical prophecies are being fulfilled…. This confrontation is willed by God, who wants to use this conflict to erase his people’s enemies before a New Age begins.”… Chirac says he was boggled by Bush’s call and “wondered how someone could be so superficial and fanatical in their beliefs.”… [T]he puzzled French leader didn’t comply with Bush’s request. Instead, his staff asked Thomas Romer, a theologian at the University of Lausanne, to analyze the weird appeal…

Another example why a parody of current Republican candidates is impossible:

Rep. Michele Bachman (R-Minn.) said she would add former presidents Ronald Reagan, James Garfield and Calvin Coolidge to Mount Rushmore Tuesday in an ABC News/Yahoo! interview Tuesday.

I cannot even make a smart assed comment about this.

God can’t make up his mind:

Herman Cain announced that God asked him to run for president.

Is there anyone on the Republican ticket God did not ask to run? Does this mean that God is not omnipotent, cannot make up his mind or just likes practical jokes? Then again it was God himself who asked Pookie to run.

_________________________________________________________

Parody is impossible, another example:

Recently, in my campaign for the Republican nomination for President of the United States, I made a proposal so outlandish that I believed it would beggar credulity; that if elected I would sell off everything government owns, including the White House, Air Force One and the Pentagon. Alas, I discovered that earlier this year, Rick Perry as Governor of Texas promoted and signed into law legislation that would allow all Texas State public buildings, nursing homes, hospitals, schools, ports, mass transit projects, telecommunications, etc., to be sold off to corporations. Even more incredible, the law allows the prospective purchasers to borrow the money from the state who then will guarantee the loans. According to Matt Taibbi in a Rolling Stoned article, “…a foreign company theoretically could borrow money from Texas taxpayers to buy the taxpayer’s own state property at a discount.”

Rick Perry, the people’s hero and one of God’s elect.


 

OMG, Ann Coulter again proves that parody of the far right is impossible:

“I mean that’s why our blacks are so much better than their blacks. To become a black Republican you don’t just roll into it, you’re not just going with the flow. You have fought against probably your family, probably your neighbors, you have thought everything out. And that’s why we have very impressive blacks in our party.”

This as opposed to Obama, who Coulter says, “is half black, and is not a descendant of the blacks that suffered these Jim Crow laws…I am not contesting that he was born in America or anything, but he is the son of a Kenyan not the son of American blacks that went through the American experience.”

What will the Tea Party do now with their assumption that Obama was a black non-citizen has been demolished by Mr. Coulter’s claim Obama is really a white American citizen? Do you all agree that your blacks and better than their blacks? Are Republican blacks better at house cleaning than Democratic blacks? Would Lincoln still agree black people remain property? Does Mr. Coulter have her own blacks or are they just owned by the Party? So many questions, so few answers.

Leave a Comment

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: